Trust: The Secret Sauce
On my spiritual journey so far, I have now discovered what I believe to be the "secret sauce."
It all started with my life completely imploding, and everything as I knew it was all of a sudden no longer a part of my life. I began by leaving my home and my long-time career, which I identified with completely, to move to an entirely different environment. It was a no-brainer. I eagerly dove right into this new life, hanging all my hopes on my optimism, strength, courage, and my significant other, who I was certain would be a part of my life forever.
Initially, there was excitement and new energy with the planning, choosing, rooting in. I LOVE the whole process about deciding where I'm going to live and the community I will call home. I love shopping for homes and imagining what my life will be like in each space until I find the perfect one. Yes, I thought, this is going to be amazing.
Fast forward a bit, the big move was essentially a disaster. Nearly all of my beloved and cherished belongings were now scratched, dented, destroyed. (If you're catching some sarcasm there, that *might* in fact be intentional...wink, wink!) Additionally, the new career my significant other dove into was nearly all-consuming. So, I started to build a life for myself and to choose how to spend my time for myself. I attempted to be the best version of myself for the time that I did have with him and, especially, for my daughter, who was having some trouble getting settled. The culture-shock from a fast-paced life of endless to-do lists was surprisingly impactful. Once the new wears off, you're left wondering who are you now without this career you immersed yourself in all of those years and these places you've called home.
Looking back, my marriage troubles began during the time of my rediscovering and redefining my world. So, one day I had a life partner and the next day I did not. I thought at first it was all a bad dream. I couldn't fathom how my sweet life had culminated in this embarrassment. I had so many dark moments where I just had no idea how to get relief from the pain of rejection. Sick all the time, not sleeping, a complete disaster, I decided it was time to turn to God. He's always been there for me, after all. God, won't you please tell me how to repair my life? Yes, my child. Be patient.
Ok, I thought. Awesome! Be patient! This I can do! Meanwhile, I dove headlong into all the resources I could about how to repair a broken relationship and studied the Bible vigorously every day. In truth, I learned A LOT about errors I'd made, despite having the best of intentions. So, it was during this time that something truly miraculous began to occur. I would be patient. I could do it. I would pray for guidance and try, despite the difficulty, to embody the compassion and forgiveness of Christ. And, believe it or not, I usually succeeded. I started to recognize that everyone is always doing the best they can with the tools they have at the time, regardless of how that triggers you to hear. (I know! Trust me!) This applies to myself as well. I made a lot of mistakes, God knows. But, I, too, was worthy of the compassion and forgiveness of Christ.
This is where the magic sauce comes in, people. I began to follow God's guidance. And, guess what. My marriage was no closer to being repaired than ever and, in fact, would soon be dismantled. And I had a life to get on with, in the meantime. So, I began to take a new approach. I did my best to follow the guidance I received and I just began to trust. I trusted, finally, that God's plan is always better than mine. I trusted that whatever the reason my whole life went up in smoke, it must be a good one. I trusted that, with all my uncertainty and insecurity about the next steps, I would be OK and that God would ALWAYS have my back.
From that point on, dear friends, I can tell you the miracles just began and have not stopped. I set out on my own to build my new life. I knew in my heart that eventually I would be ok and I just asked God to continue to guide me. He guided me along in the most amazing way to this new magical, spiritual world where I have gifts I could have never imagined. The whole world changed the day I discovered my true nature of divinity and began to not only trust God, but trust myself. I have a world of knowledge available (and so do you!) in my divine source. I have everything I need and it was always there! I just hadn't had the trust and confidence to see it! The truth as I see it is that God does want us to trust Him for all that we truly need, but there's more: God also wants us to realize and accept that we are a slice of His consciousness and, therefore, there was never anything missing in the first place!! We can do amazing things once we find that realization and step into trust! And guess what! The icing on my cake: my career, my marriage, my "stuff," was just no longer as important as I once believed anyway! We have to learn to live in the moment and trust that whatever comes will be blessed and eventually we will get to see and appreciate the blessings.
I love you all!